Saturday, August 2, 2008
Thursday 31st July Coffs to Iluka
Reveille sounded at 07.30 heralding an 8.30 departure. Wind SW then W then NW then nothing then N then NE but always light so another day of motor sailing albeit under cloudless skies on a shining sea. Dodged some very excited whales, having been exhorted by a Bellingen greenie in a hemp lap-lap not to hurt them, and the requisite number of camouflaged fish traps, arriving at the Clarence bar at 4pm. Tootled into Iluka Harbour and anchored just off the Sedger’s Reef Hotel, a beacon to the thirsty cruising sailor.
Dinghy was in the water 8.7 seconds after coming to a halt, a PB for this trip. (Notice how we strive to remain topical; references to the Olympics now replacing those previously aimed at the Pontiff). A further 32 seconds found us ashore and 27 seconds later we were ordering drinks. This was raffle night and the place was packed with local trawler types. In total there were 425 raffles which caused a certain amount of confusion amongst the throng, but given our increasing inability to recall which day of the week it is, this shouldn’t surprise.
Another feature of the evening was the ‘Schooner Wheel’. This is like the Chocolate Wheel but is spun every hour to decide the price of a schooner for that hour. It’s nice to find a place where RSA stands for ‘reckless service of alcohol.’
The return journey in the dinghy was undertaken with due care and attention in light of our reduced state. This clearly affected our times; Launching and untying, 3mins 17 secs. Travel time back to boat 7mins 23 secs. (Here you need to take into account the fact that we’d forgotten to leave a light on and had to visit every boat in the bay to see if it was ours.) Unloading, 1 min 03secs. Securing dinghy for the night 4 mins, even.
Our medical advisors are currently reviewing the drugs we’re taking and comparing them with those available to professional athletes. We hope with practice, discipline and the correct performance enhancing chemicals, to improve on these times today.
Reveille sounded at 07.30 heralding an 8.30 departure. Wind SW then W then NW then nothing then N then NE but always light so another day of motor sailing albeit under cloudless skies on a shining sea. Dodged some very excited whales, having been exhorted by a Bellingen greenie in a hemp lap-lap not to hurt them, and the requisite number of camouflaged fish traps, arriving at the Clarence bar at 4pm. Tootled into Iluka Harbour and anchored just off the Sedger’s Reef Hotel, a beacon to the thirsty cruising sailor.
Dinghy was in the water 8.7 seconds after coming to a halt, a PB for this trip. (Notice how we strive to remain topical; references to the Olympics now replacing those previously aimed at the Pontiff). A further 32 seconds found us ashore and 27 seconds later we were ordering drinks. This was raffle night and the place was packed with local trawler types. In total there were 425 raffles which caused a certain amount of confusion amongst the throng, but given our increasing inability to recall which day of the week it is, this shouldn’t surprise.
Another feature of the evening was the ‘Schooner Wheel’. This is like the Chocolate Wheel but is spun every hour to decide the price of a schooner for that hour. It’s nice to find a place where RSA stands for ‘reckless service of alcohol.’
The return journey in the dinghy was undertaken with due care and attention in light of our reduced state. This clearly affected our times; Launching and untying, 3mins 17 secs. Travel time back to boat 7mins 23 secs. (Here you need to take into account the fact that we’d forgotten to leave a light on and had to visit every boat in the bay to see if it was ours.) Unloading, 1 min 03secs. Securing dinghy for the night 4 mins, even.
Our medical advisors are currently reviewing the drugs we’re taking and comparing them with those available to professional athletes. We hope with practice, discipline and the correct performance enhancing chemicals, to improve on these times today.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Wednesday 30th July
Bellingen to Coffs by Audi via carwash
Chuckling Des picked us up at the marina and whisked us off to the Daylight Saving Bar at Nautilus Resort where mine hosts Craig and Louise forced drinks between our parched lips. The reason for Chuckling Dessie’s mirth was that he’d arranged for the blokes to be deposited at the Pier Hotel for a top up while he dashed off to a residents’ meeting. Not aware that ‘Tradies Night’ involved naked female bar attendants, we stumbled into a saloon heaving with rough men, bikies and bouncing female flesh. These were clearly the sad remnants of Triple M’s 80’s audience and mobbed the Admiral. On reflection it was just the rough men who were ex listeners; the naked females were entirely bemused by the attention switching from their glistening, supple, lithe, toned, tanned (stop me when you get the picture) bodies, to a morbidly obese middle aged man with a hair loss problem. Then again, being a female Triple M listener in the eighties would probably mean you were now 45 plus and no longer able to make a quid from wanton displays of public nudity. Clearly serving beer naked is an art form best exploited by those not born till well after The Admiral had been pulled off by Kerry Packer. The retreat was sounded and we repaired to a bar more consistent with our conservative ways and mode of dress (pants.)
A splendid dinner at the Crying Tiger followed and thence back to the boat in preparation for the departure tomorrow morning early for the Clarence.
As the gloom surrounding the stockmarket continues and the Twin Spirit Superannuants’ disappointment deepens (Twin Dis-Spirited?), a meeting of the remuneration committee has fallen on a cunning plan. A plan so cunning you could pin a tail on it and call it a weasel. Following in Alan Lucas’ famous footsteps (Cruising The NSW Coast) we will write a book describing the best and most accessible pubs and clubs on the East Coast (Boozing The NSW Coast;) GPS locations, menus, opening and closing times, raffle nights, beers on tap, dinghy access or tie up all listed in an easy to read reference guide with illustrations and expert commentary. A must-have for the cruising alcoholic and a worthwhile companion for the land bound caravaner. Priced at a very fair $75 and available in good bookshops everywhere or order online. First one hundred orders receive a free set of steak knives and a ticket for the Wednesday night titty bar at The Pier Hotel Coff’s Harbour.
Bellingen to Coffs by Audi via carwash
Chuckling Des picked us up at the marina and whisked us off to the Daylight Saving Bar at Nautilus Resort where mine hosts Craig and Louise forced drinks between our parched lips. The reason for Chuckling Dessie’s mirth was that he’d arranged for the blokes to be deposited at the Pier Hotel for a top up while he dashed off to a residents’ meeting. Not aware that ‘Tradies Night’ involved naked female bar attendants, we stumbled into a saloon heaving with rough men, bikies and bouncing female flesh. These were clearly the sad remnants of Triple M’s 80’s audience and mobbed the Admiral. On reflection it was just the rough men who were ex listeners; the naked females were entirely bemused by the attention switching from their glistening, supple, lithe, toned, tanned (stop me when you get the picture) bodies, to a morbidly obese middle aged man with a hair loss problem. Then again, being a female Triple M listener in the eighties would probably mean you were now 45 plus and no longer able to make a quid from wanton displays of public nudity. Clearly serving beer naked is an art form best exploited by those not born till well after The Admiral had been pulled off by Kerry Packer. The retreat was sounded and we repaired to a bar more consistent with our conservative ways and mode of dress (pants.)
A splendid dinner at the Crying Tiger followed and thence back to the boat in preparation for the departure tomorrow morning early for the Clarence.
As the gloom surrounding the stockmarket continues and the Twin Spirit Superannuants’ disappointment deepens (Twin Dis-Spirited?), a meeting of the remuneration committee has fallen on a cunning plan. A plan so cunning you could pin a tail on it and call it a weasel. Following in Alan Lucas’ famous footsteps (Cruising The NSW Coast) we will write a book describing the best and most accessible pubs and clubs on the East Coast (Boozing The NSW Coast;) GPS locations, menus, opening and closing times, raffle nights, beers on tap, dinghy access or tie up all listed in an easy to read reference guide with illustrations and expert commentary. A must-have for the cruising alcoholic and a worthwhile companion for the land bound caravaner. Priced at a very fair $75 and available in good bookshops everywhere or order online. First one hundred orders receive a free set of steak knives and a ticket for the Wednesday night titty bar at The Pier Hotel Coff’s Harbour.
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